dr phil, letterman and conan

dr phil: now let me see if a boy from texas can sort this out, you two have been sisters since you were both born and neither have you read my book 'life code' so you wouldn't know how to solve your problems, am i right?

letterman and conan nod heads, 'i don't even know how to read' chimes in conan as she plays with her long necklace....

letterman: though we is sisters dr phil we nuver knowns it til thanksgiving 1999, by the way dr phil, i gots a real bad case of hair lice, can you help me with that?

conan: dr phil i's gots a case of beanearreal disease real bad... that in yo' book 'life code'?

dr phil: okay now let me see if i got this straight, you missy conan said missy letterman wore your briches and shat in them

conan: that's right dr phil (facepalming) she done shat in my briches

dr phil: okay so that's a warning sign right there, that's in chapter 7 of my book:  "toxic comers - tell them where to go - hint, it starts with h and has four letters and ends in double 'l'".....  if you'd read that chapter you'd know to just stay away from eachother... don't you see how raw your emotional state is when you're around eachother? why don't you just stay away from eachother?

conan and letterman: because we're west texas krump dancing champions for the third year in a row.... the two ladies stand up and rip their tops off (which didn't look good) but then start krump dancing, which looked pretty cool



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMZlWqOd45s (krumping)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6kVgATihxk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBHNgV6_znU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zJudxf4HaM

dr phil: okay so the two of you are performers, but was this a performance? cue video: it's a german sheibe movie miss letterman is crapping on miss conan's chest while some people hold down miss conan, there is a lot of rowdiness and kerfuffle.......... cue back to studio: miss conan hides her face in shame

dr phil: what do you have to say about that miss letterman?

miss letterman: that was a profesisonal production, we was approached by some german sheiBe movie makers

dr phil: ok now what is a german scheiBe movie?

miss letterman: well that's where you know, schieBe is german for crap, i mean it literally meant crap in german, so a scheiBe movie is like, you know, people crap on eachother or eat crap or have sex with a pile of crap, like in a jello bowl, just the crap, no person attached, if you know what i mean?

dr phil: so you crapped on miss conan's chest? did it ever occur to you that was an act of abuse?

miss letterman: it was all in the name of art dr. phil, it warn't nothing she done didn't agree with at the time

dr phil: that true missy conan?

(audience laughs because doctor phil refers to miss conan as 'missy')

miss conan: no doctory phil.....

dr phil: how did it make you feel when miss letterman crapped on your chest?

miss conan: (beginning to weep) made me feel real sore, like something died inside myself

dr phil:  like your dignity?

miss conan: possibly dr. phil, can i have a free holiday, to one of those treatment centres, like in hawaii?