http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbgF3W_CQrk
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| alex very recently around his 3-month birthday in sofia, bulgaria, living it up |
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well lieutenant colonel mark
weber that we mentioned recently has passed away..... i think yesterday,
before my friday shift, after two shifts, had some time to visualize
more for him, either health and healing or just good energy for him and
his family, the visualization seemed to go very well with great
spiritual concentration levels and no getting side-tracked, good
breathing, good passive phase after building the visualization so as to
let it soak into the subconscious and then onto the over-soul of us
all........ and then immediately after finishing the exercise, there was
a post on caringbridge.org saying that weber had died about 45 mins before, that is, a little before that last visualization; this is to say
that his Soul was busying itself leaving the body at that very time and
this process apparently takes hours to complete..... taking American
mystic H. Spencer Lewis as a very reliable and credible authority on
these matters, as he has studied them in great detail, it seems some
clairvoyant people can actually see the soul leaving the body when the
lighting is dim and they can see it become perturbed and frustrated when
medical attempts are used to prolong its connection to the body which
is no longer fit for habitation, furthermore, weighing the body
immediately after death reveals that a very slight difference of weight
is perceivable, it's a very slight weight, almost nothing, apparently
maybe this is some kind of proto-plasm or something like that connected
with the soul......... apparently shuffling off the mortal coil for the
soul is not a matter of 20 minutes but a matter of hours, and even when
the task is complete the soul is compelled to linger 'on the earth
plane' and console the bereaved loved ones (although sometimes people die forgotten and unloved)
Spencer
Lewis has said that the souls of people that suicide go through
tremendous suffering immediately after death, it seems that though they
are free of the bio-chemical realities of brain chemistry they were
suffering (and of the brain itself), like low dopamine, low seratonin (something psychiatrists
today treat with certain medications and anti-depressants), according to
Spencer Lewis, the souls feel great pain and suffering at the
realization after the mortal coil shuffling of the wrongness of what they did........ what is wrong
about suicide, when you look at the economy of Life is that for a human
life a woman must go through a great deal suffering and sacrifice to
produce a baby, sometimes the baby is lost and this is a cause of more
suffering for the women...... for those of us who never appreciate what a
great thing it is women are doing for all of us by loving life enough
and trusting in the goodness of everything enough to create a baby, and
going through the difficulty of it all and then loving it and nurturing
it, we really come to appreciate them a lot more when we see them do
that, and as men, it uplifts us to see them do this and makes us respect
them much more.......... then the childhood is a very long period and a
time where many adults make sacrifices for their children, always
cherishing what they believe are their children's best wishes (except in
the case of incompetence through sickness or stupidity or misadventure)
and then, after all of this, for the soul to suicide is really a
sin........... actually i suffered a tremendous amount of depression in
my life....... many times, in the depths of these depressions i often
thought about suicide........ even after i thought i had mastered all of
the problems and overcome them, through more stupidity or naivety, i
found i had 'bought' or invited or caused such difficult conditions that
again, depression became a reality and from there it's a short walk to
suicidal ideation......... obviously, where there's pain and suffering,
there's a dollar to be made, and there's nothing wrong with making a
dollar, especially if it can alleviate pain and suffering.... for people
experiencing depression, the very best thing to do, even better than
drugs, is to take a line of real action that involves something that
will alleviate the depression: if living in bulgaria drives you mad to
the point of deep depression, then leave! don't return........... if
being alone all day makes you feel bad, go and spend some time cheering
up the incarcerated, or the elderly, or working at a food bank or doing
voluntary work for the poor........... sometimes people can just be
plain thick as a wooden log, and not know any better and continue
banging their head against the wall doing the wrong thing, i have most
definitely had this problem in life myself...........
suicide
is now such a big problem for the united states army that General
Lloyd J. Austin III at snail mail address 1400 Defense Pentagon
Washington DC 20301-1400 (try panhandling outside those offices!) remarks:
"Suicide is the toughest enemy I have faced in my 37 years in the Army,"
said Gen. Lloyd J. Austin III, the Army's vice chief of staff, who is
spearheading his service's efforts to find ways to halt the surge in
suicides.
As someone who has struggled with depression
and many times felt the urge to suicide, even, as mentioned, after
believing with very good reason that i had completely destroyed the
dragon of whatever stupid conditions i found overwhelmed me and which
caused my suffering; even after believing with good reason i had crushed
this enemy, i found, through my own stupidity and optimism and naivety
and even good will, that it was possible to stumble, and fall over, and
become stuck in a quagmire and again succumb to terrible conditions
which produce the undesired feelings and suffering and then onto
inevitable suicidal ideation..... now i have learnt my lesson
double-good and if again i should face some terrible circumstances that
would bring me to my knees like someone raping my wife and child and
chopping my fingers off for good measure, this would be a good reason
for my to succumb to despair and begin ideating suicide......... however
at least if some hopeless tragedy should befall me, i will not help
bring it on by my own stupidity so easily...... this means i will reap
every last sheath of happiness i can, before i experience more misery,
which i would think, will surely end up befalling me at some point in
the future, even if not in this particular lifetime............ often
suffering is one of the best thing the soul can use for advancement,
also, many times, suffering is brought about due to changes in realities
for the soul, possibly through rebirth, or because of death, or because
of some other soul's death, or any number of things that cause pain and
suffering, even just falling over physically can cause decades of pain
and suffering, if you have a bad fall, you can end up using crutches for
decades and losing mobility of the legs and then experience pain and
suffering in the body just as a result on one lousy unfortunate accident
this
is why it's important not to cause other people's suffering.........
should we then not have police and armies so that nobody is caused to
suffer due to them executing their duties which sometimes involves
killing people?..... of course not, because then organized crime and
injustices and chaos would prevail......... inevitably, soldiers and
police that kill people in the line of their duties end up feeling
stress in many cases which can even lead to suicides and depressions as
is currently happening now in the u.s. army......... with the u.s. army,
the main thing for them is to know and execute the exact right amount
of force.... too much force will lead to high depressions amongst
themselves if they cause too much suffering to others, conversely, not
enough force can lead to more chaos and disorder as was the case when
clinton ordered a few cruise missiles at the taliban but the american
military/govt. failed to decapitate the taliban/bin laden junta immediately prior to 9/11 when the opportunity was available (bush didn't either).... and
then in a democracy it becomes difficult to do anything as everybody has
different ideas and everybody has a career and a nice future to protect
and as there's no dictatorship, it's hard to say..........well
actually, H. Spencer Lewis, going back to the 'horse's mouth' as they
say, once described the american presidency as a 'moderate dictatorship'
and this is actually true and exactly why american presidents end up
with grey hair before the end of their first term and everyone knows it,
it seems they are carrying the proverbial weight of the world on their
shoulders........ with obama, as president, he most definitely could
have made different choices about syria years ago, it's an awesome
responsibility, the pain and suffering in syria is very real and it's a
case now of too little force from the u.s. military.... and it's not
even the military's fault, ultimately, as they are at the command of the
u.s. president, who, in turn, is chosen by the voters.... the american
voters have thought, well iraq was a long war, let's avoid war for a
while, vote for obama, this is bad policy: too little force.......... alot of what
happened in iraq and vietnam was also too much force.......... i'm not
qualified to second guess everything the u.s. military does, but i can
recall one time in bulgaria, before i started watching american football
in earnest, which was actually a year or so ago here in australia for
the first time; i started watching a few football maneuvers, one guy
was explaining something called a 'stutter step' you run at the
defensive lineman and do a stutter step which tricks him as he doesn't
know which way you will run and where to commit himself to apply
force..... this is strategy, and it goes to show, you can have a mighty
army but apply very small amounts of pressure here and there, sometimes
just a presence, without any overt pressure, like a block..........
talking about this, at the alexander the great museum exhibition
recently, there was a whole little section dedicated to a blockade
alexander ran or rather, had run for him, on a little island somewhere
probably in the Mediterranean, it was something that was a backburner
issue for alexander, he probably was busy with a million other things
and had people reporting to him about it now and then and telling them
what to do, there was some island under siege and a naval blockade went
into effect, it lasted years perhaps and finally the city fell and
alexander probably had the city razed to the ground in a cruel way
changing
topics, tonite my bff murphy and i hit the town to paint it red, first
we went to my former acting school, billy, the guru teacher there who
studied with the famous american acting teacher stanford meisner in nyc,
looked noticeably greyer, i showed off some photos of alex (see above)
to him, before that i had the opportunity with murphy to try out the new
little hole-in-the-wall bar that is on the corner of redfern street
and regent street near redfern station in sydney..... across the road
(at 125a redfern
street in 1999) from there i shared the apartment with matt the double bass player (who is apparently the
5th best orchestral double base player in the world now - bully for him).... the bar was excellent and has that melbourne style that makes
melbourne so much more superior to sydney for socializing at
nite........ then on to the theatre, two of the players were in my
beginner class in late 2009.......... i have the highest respect for
thespians and their trade-craft however often i just bitch and moan about
it on this blog probably because i am jealous of them but also because it pleases me to bitch like a little bitch on my blog bitchily bitchin', as it were.......... however
i also think many of them are just plain stupid-arses in real life,
however, the principal of theater is rock-solid sound...... this is to
say, the greatest actors might not be those that achieve the most fame
or wealth or in-your-face success, but might be those that manage to
find a successful balance of real life relationship success in
conjunction with ability to successfully perform on stage in a way that
is reasonably lucrative for them (eg., enough to support a modest and
simple and adequate lifestyle for themselves and their
family)..........after the enjoyable hour long show which was a
mish-mash of various things, it was back to the bar to play some
futbolin there and hang, and then on to another bar where i hoped to
catch up with an american buddy from way back in the day, he wasn't
there and murphy and i tried the shakespeare hotel for food on
devonshire, too late, went on to the white cockatoo in petersham, again
too late, so on to ashfield for a kebab, talked to some irish guy there
and on to the pole-dancer club to watch the semi-naked women dance around
on stage and gyrate their arses....... then drop off murphy in mount
druitt and start heading home at around 0200 hours....... on the ride
home, got to thinking about weber some more and if his soul could end up
being reborn to Monique, e.g., in five years time, Monique was one of the
dancers at the club, of course, the likelihood of that is infinitesimally
small, and anyway, as shakespeare has hamlet say of the soul's journey
in the afterlife: it's like some kind of journey of which no traveller has
returned to talk about....... except maybe Lazarus who jesus is said to
have raised from the dead.......... and all those people that have near
death experiences and see angels........ or whatever........ nitey nite
