once upon a time in mexico part ii

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7vArAdpAXc (gypsy kings)


after chiapas, the thing to do in mexico is oaxaca province which is about two provinces to the west, relative to canada, it's overseas so long as you're in singapore if you're canadian....... anyway, there in chiapas, me and the baby had some business to do with some of Raul, the narco-traficante's, buddies - who Raul said were looking to buy some kind of head-lopping do-hicky.........

<<hola senor benjamin>> said some mexican guy from the zetas in oaxaca, <<por que el bebe?>> - what's with the baby?

oh that? i'm thinking about becoming a politician so it's good to have a baby around..... i'll see how i like it... so your buddy Raul says you want some kind of head-lopping do-hicky?

<<exactamente benjamin>>, exactly benjamin, you see, some of our foot-soldiers, they've been lopping heads off to let the public know we mean business but we'd like to get more professional, Raul said you could help us out with some ideas....

<<bueno>> well, the case is, you know, the french revolution, it's the classic head-lopping period of history, have you thought about getting a guillotine? maybe something with a mexican twist, like a pinata donkey whacking that drops even like 10 guillotine blades down at the same time? you could knock off 10 heads at once!

<<en serio?!>> seriously!?

<<por que no??>> why not??

<<bueno, muy bien>> ok, that's cool, look another thing, normally, when the lads are trying to terrorize the public with severed heads, i mean they'll just fill up a bag full of them, santa claus style, and then kind of just throw them out on a dancefloor, but i mean, like have you seen that movie, lord of the rings?

<<si, si>> yes yes

<<bueno>> well, it's like we'd like something fancier, like in that movie, maybe put the severed heads under a lake or all lined up at a checkpoint or something really intense like that.... do you have any ideas?

<<ya veremos>> we'll see what we can come up with....

artist's rendition of how a home-made guillotining of arnold schwarzenegegar would look

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AuxJH2Mj30 (jimi hendrix)

so off we went to scout around for some materials to mock up some guillotines and see how it would look, what was the word for blade again in spanish? can't remember, never mind

<<oiga, senor, me puede decir por que barrio se venderia chismes para cortar? cuchillos y esas cosas?>>

<<pues mire, ahi tiene una carniceria, ?por que no pregunta usted alla?>>

<<vale, gracias>>

<<hola senor carnicero, me puede ayudar? estoy buscando una especie de cuchillo grande, para cortar?>>

<<una navaja?>>

<<no es una navaja, precisamente, pero la palabra ahora se me escapa>>

<<pues mira, es como esto?>> he asks, holding up a meat-cleaver

<<si pero sin manilla y aun mas grande>>

<<si usted lo que quiere es una hoja grande afilada, verdad?>>

<<pues si, quiero hacer una especie de cuadro de madera, meterle la hoja afilada para que se caiga, raf!>>

<<pues mira....>>

 

 then, as i tapped my toe listening to the jimi hendrix music in the good  mexican man's blade and knife store, while i occasionally rocked the baby in its pram back and forth, and observed the poster of some american politician saying, 'the only thing we have to fear is fear itself,' that's when a light bulb went off over my head and i picked up my cell phone:

<<raul, se me ha occurrido una idea, como una pistola muy muy grande que echa cabezas>> how about a giant decapitated head shooting cannon?