next day

so was feeling worried sick all day yesterday, decided to finish work early, around 1230am just after midnight.... asleep by 1am or so.... Alex seemed okay in his crib.....before falling asleep i started to pray really alot, normally i don't bother praying, even to give thanks to God or just to visualize world peace which would be my main reasons for needing to pray i suppose, i just don't bother, that's probably not a good thing...... i could also try praying to purify my mind and avoid attracting evil energy and those would be good reasons for praying, but again, have lapsed into a state of not praying much for years..... i even tell myself that i am freeing up the airwaves, as it were, by not asking anything from God for myself, for all the people who are lost or really need help like war victims, etc..........

anyway, it was a pretty bad feeling brought on by this kid's lousy fall so i started imploring God with a lot of something........ first of all i was sorry to God and sorry to the kid for my failure in responsibility....... then i prayed for a miraculous healing........ i remembered one woman's story from like the 1920s or 1930s, her baby got pinned down under a car and was going to die (alot more serious than our case which wasn't anywhere near as bad)..........she visualized her baby's healing with such success her doctors were amazed at the baby's complete recovery who they thought would surely die............. she just had enough faith to make it work.........then i imagined my prayer being like some kind of etheric flower springing up at God's feet on his throne in Heaven because i read somewhere that insistent prayers are like this...........then i considered the infinitude of the creation with all the countless planets and life everywhere amongst them and considered that there is still only one relevant energy all across the universe, the Atma or soul energy.........then i tried to use this energy surrounding my baby with a white sphere of healing light....... at this point i heard him sigh in his sleep and take a deep breath which was probably co-incidental.............. at some point i also apologized to his soul-personality for my mistake, but more in a grown-up way as his soul personality is immortal and only manifesting as a baby now but still mature in its integrity............

in general i would say i'm going to be a lot more compassionate towards him in coming weeks and alot more patient to his needs and crying and what not......... it really was an abolute accident, i'm  sure it's because of one pin i didn't click in right and fully......... being tired all the time coz of so much driving/working, etc........

i feel really sorry about it! i saw his head this morning, it looks alot better, the swelling has gone down and the coloration too........... i was freaking out yesterday that i should have brought him to the children's hospital instead of just his usual doctor (a very nice iranian woman who has kids in iran and visits them regularly there) and the local hospital which is not a children's hospital............ i was worried sick that he had some kind of bleeding in his brain that could cause brain damage, etc........ worried sick........ i think we'll take him to the children's hospital soon for a check up