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| the red looking chocolate (bottom centre) was the chosen one |
so here i am watching this documentary on Hitler, right after some documentary about the temple mount (on history channel) and it hit me; my marriage is sour, my job is one of a slave, really, and i live in a country where everyone says dean instead of teen; i could try going to Israel and staging a putsch against the govt. there, just like the Nazis did in 1923 in the infamous Beer Hall Putsch of Munich, and then just make myself the Fuhrer of Israel, I could start a campaign of expansion, take Iran, take Saudi Arabia, get all the oil........ send the Arabs to work camps (nice ones with lots of chocolates and steam baths and towels, they'd be happier there than ever before)
hence i'm developing a preliminary survey to sound out Israeli Jews on the prospect, to see if they'd be amenable:
question 1: Is your name Haem, Schlem or some derivation thereof? (if yes proceed to question 7, otherwise proceed to next question)
question 2: Do Matzah balls give you acid reflux? Could you see yourself saying 'Oh vey,' after almost getting a hernia from all that gas? keep your answer under 500 words.
question 3: two sidelocks walk into a bar, what do they order?
question 4: Beethoven was German, but was he an anti-semite, why? why not?
question 5: Do you have a working gun (or uzi, sub machine gun, etc) with at least 500 rounds of available, working ammo? Can you sew, write newspaper articles?
question 6: Do you currently serve in the army or police force?
question 7: If non Jews think Jews are funny, are non Jews racist for making such a generalization. Only answer yes or no.
question 8: Is it true Jewish men like to watch porno movies backward because they like the part where the hooker gives the money back?
question 9: Is it true gentiles were invented because somebody has to pay retail?
question 10: If you saw a top spinning on a table somewhere, would you have the strength of will to not look at if for more than 2 seconds?
question 11: Is it true Hitler was the most well known Jewish cook?
question 12: Why does Moshe hide money from his wife Sadie under the vacuum cleaner?
question 13: which of the twelve tribes of Israelis, according to the Talmud, stole Moses' Nike aircraft shoes and which asked the nameless one (Yah--h) to race his chariot against theirs for pink slips
question 14: money matters, Shlemkeine has 50 times Yod Sheckels invested at 10% for a year, however his brother Mahaime is a putzheimer who lent him 500 Sheckels for the glasses to smash on his wedding day, calculate Shlemkeine's profit or loss by year's end.
question 15: Schlemhemminiheimer is a zealous African neophyte convert to the Jewish faith, the day of his Bar Mitzvah fast approaches, this is when he will be circumcised according to custom in the proper, Kosher way, whereupon his conversion will be considered complete. Unfortunately, a few days before the big BM, he takes a leak on a shrub and his pants have a zipper which catch on his wizz-bang-ha-shamba. He is rushed to hospital, he must have an emergency circumcision however his Rabbi is busy arranging vegetables on plates for upcoming Passover and cannot make it to the hospital in time anyway to bless the circumcision and make it kosher. Our neophyte sues the highest temple authorities for redress. Should they recommend him to the ba'hai or Moslem faiths?
question 16: the Finklestein brothers are both scientists, Rudy, the elder, good; Goldblum, the younger brother, evil. Rudy spends ten years developing a chicken with no feathers or head, a boon for fried chicken lovers worldwide. Goldblum steals his idea and sells it to the Iranians. The Ayatollah goes on to win the Nobel prize for science. Rudy is understandably upset, but what is the moral of the story?
please answer questions 1 thru 16 on non-yeast paper and insert into the wailing wall in Jerusalem. If i get enough positive feedback, i'll definitely consider staging a putsch.
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