tv's david letterman to travel to ireland to discuss jerking off into his mouth

Royters.... Kilkenny

American late nite television stalwart, David Letterman, will travel to the Republic or Ireland to discuss with political and community leaders there his attitudes towards jerking off in his mouth.

'Some of my favorite things to jerk off in my mouth are bananas, beef jerky, that seaweed paper stuff that Koreans eat, corn on the cob... of course my jerking off into my mouth first became famous for the way i ripped the corks off wine bottles.... i'm interested to travel to the city of Cork, in Ireland and discus jerking things off into one's mouth,' said Letterman, speaking from the doorway of a train at Grand Central Station in NYC shortly before it left for a Boston where an important Beef Jerky factory is located.

Back in Dublin, Irish leaders warmed to Letterman's visit,

'Truth be told,' said Ireland's Grand Dean Rumple Hallowbert, 'Ireland has a long history of people jerking things off in peoples' mouths.... we just want to make sure that the right things get jerked off.... we don't want young people and the elderly pointing things like chocolate bars and energy drinks at anyone's mouth to be jerked off there and consumed.... that's why we're instituting a new public education campaing: 'watch where you point that thing before you jerk it off in someone's mouth.'