an offer of disciple-ship to conan and his brood

out of the mercy and goodness of God, as reflected through yours truly, a simple blip, almost an error, in His great and neverending existence..... the lost and confused Souls of conan o'brien and his brood are offered an opportunity to learn...

Benji's conditions for taking on o'brien and his brood as Benji's pupils are as follows:

1) Benji will only ever to be referred to as 'the doe-ra-ma' - this will only ever be uttered, never written nor depicted in symbolic, visual form

2) male pupils who wish to have themselves castrated in the manner of the eunichs of the Emperor's court of ancient China in order to thus approach the doe-ra-ma will be discouraged to do so

3) no visual image representing the doe-ra-ma will be made manifest lest the females become distracted and eventually maddened in a swoon of passionate frenzy

4) all pupils under o'brien's umbrella will realize they are in no wise to be considered as funny or capable witticists, o'brien is to considered a wash-up and shall here-to-forward be referred to as: 'fallow field of the mind lacking in nitrogen sufficient to yield a yield' or just 'fallow fellow' or 'wash-up' or 'he who rests on the laurels of past accomplishments' or merely 'laurel rester'

5) like students of buddhism that practice constant exercises in self-awareness and being centered, those under o'brien's umbrella shall find their center in the following great truth:

  a) you are not funny, you only think you are, but you're WRONG
  b) whenever you prepare to pen a joke, remember:

     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hfYJsQAhl0

7) should something the o'brien people produce produce authentic, non-pitying/semi-generous, laughter, but real laughter, from the doe-ra-ma, this should be considered an anomaly, like a needle in a haystack

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xxgRUyzgs0 (living color - cult of personality

8) before even putting one's thinking cap on to come up with ideas, one should ask oneself, is this really worthy of the doe-ra-ma's intelligence? if not, by all means, forget the idea, if you, as a comedy writer for o'brien or a guest, realize that you are incapable of writing or saying anything worthy of the doe-ra-ma's intelligence (a disturbingly possible scenario) by all means, leave the o'brien umbrella, go forth into the world, spend a year in africa as an ngo-worker, or go trekking in nepal, or become a farmer in nebraska, just get out of the way and make way for someone worthy of saying or writing something worthy of the doe-ra-ma's intelligence, even if that person be a homeless street-bum on a street corner in greenwich village

9) this offer of disciple-ship is of a provisional nature, if the braying arses of conan's brood prove themselves unwilling or unworthy pupils, this offer will be rescinded and the idiot brood that constitutes the o'brien show will be left to stagger in the darkness that constitutes their pathetic and limited understand of the universe in which they are an extremely small part

10) self-flagellation among the conan brood aspiring to worthiness in humor is acceptable during this provisional period, this should only ever manifest as pistol whipping one's own self or alternatively having a co-worker pistol whip one's own self