pen palin' megan kelly from fox news

howdy poops (that's shorthand for poople)

caught some TMZ today and was again struck by the idea that the cutesy voiceover guy with the goofy/funny voice sounded as if he could seriously be in a long term relationship with a gerbal.... then got to wondering if/how i could blog about that..........then got the idea later in the day, just a moment ago, after really not giving the matter any thought, that it might be interesting to start a new strand on this blog, 'pen palin' megan kelly from fox news', although, truth be told, might get boring and old after this post, we'll see how it goes........she did do a cute and funny whistling sound on her last show we caught, when questioning the millionaire guy with the funny hair, about his potential run for president, as an intimation to kookiness/craziness.... specifically asking, 'don't you have to be a little (insert cute/funny whistling sound signifying krazy/cooky) to run for president?'

anyhoo..... let the pen palin' begin:

dear pen pal:

imagine you are riding one of those unique and amazing round bicycles in manhattan that seat around eight cyclists, and it turns out one of the guys on the cycle is the goofy/funny voiceover guy from TMZ, you've heard rumors he is in a long term relationship with a gerbal, you consider asking him about it but then notice he is strapped with a glock pistol that looks like it could really be loaded, you reconsider.........do you go ahead and ask him anyway?

you're a subject of the king of spain, do you renounce your citizenship? if so, why? if not, imagine you bump into the king of spain by chance, while playing a game of lawn croquet in badajoz and he asks you for your last chocolate easter bunny which you've been looking forward to eating at the end of the game, do you give it to him? he is the king of spain, after all

you find out you're able to avoid paying 85% of your income in tax to the state of new york by getting a good tax lawyer a friend recommends, however your tax bill would still be 78% of your gross wage, a big part of this money would go to public services you find questionable......... would you move to a different state if it meant you could pay less in taxes, but that all of your taxes would go to saving the rainforests and none of them would go to public services of any kind which meant that lepers could accidentally cough their tongue onto your kid's breakfast on the subway?

imagine you just found out there's a special chocolate easter bunny that will make you fat, but which would temporarily give you formidable psycho-kinetic powers which you could use to fly a jumbo jet (there's nothing else handy) into an ant hive which is loaded full of ants carrying a harmless virus..........you learn that while the virus is harmless to earthlings, it is devastating to a certain planet's denizens millions of light years away...... furthermore, you learn that there is a less than 0.0001% chance (but still a definite chance all the same) that a wormhole will appear at the exact moment a strong wind opens up which could cause some of the ants to be blown across the wormhole and into aforementioned planet millions of light years away, obliterating their civilization which they had been developing for billions of years.......... do you eat the bunny?

you apply to join a snooty country club and are forced to answer all manner of silly questions made up by some kind of idiot psychologist you find out is really a grain farmer from mexico masquerading as a snooty psychologist after marrying rich, doing some quick research on your phone..... you also notice a chinese looking lady with the correct answers to all the questions...... you just want to join the country club asap before you have a potentially embarrassing bowel movement, so you can use their restroom, but you must pass their test before they'll let you use the restroom and you know the test is dopey because of doctor ricardo's questionable credentials...... do you offer the lady $50 to copy her cheatsheet?

you are in court prosecuting some kid you know is absolute scum for a certainty that belongs behind bars.... you look over at him and catch him lip-syncing 'bite me' at you, you look around but no-one else notices, the judge is busy eating doritos, what do you do?

you're on a train in india travelling comfortably in first class with a friend of a friend of a friend from your university years..... she is not at all impressed with indian culture and manifestly insists on referring to the indians as sand niggers, the ganges river as a stinking cesspool, far from sacred...... and their attitude to religion with their pantheon of Gods as a bunch of idol-worshiping whore-mongery...... what do you do? why?

you notice that a friend of yours has taken to carrying around three tennis balls in a cannister and takes them out occasionally and talks to them, he has even face-painted all of them and given them names like Marcus and Sigfried - not actually those names, but names like them....... it definitely strikes you as eccentric but apart from that your friend is gold and you have no reason for alarm however you are struck by a nagging feeling that maybe not everything is okay with him...... how do you broach the matter in a tactful way?

you notice your body has just been hit by a mack truck and has gone flying into a dunkin' donuts and realize that you've just had an unfortunate accident and are dead...... you are still completely conscious as usual but in a kind of dream like state not overly dissimilar from your normal day-to-day state, you almost have a dull pain of hunger and a vague recollection of the sound of a stomach rumbling, but realize it's just a hangover from being alive in a body...... anyway, you decide to go to pizza hut and find Odin is there visiting from Valhalla, Mohammed the prophet (peace be upon him) is also there and they are both remarking that Hindus are all a bunch of sand-niggers which strikes you as offensive and inappropriate/racist language and you would balk if any of your african-american friends were around as you assume they would never use the n word....... then you decide to see them in their homes and in the twinkling of an eye you are floating ethereally in the lounge-room of one of your best african-american friends who is a fine upstanding lawyer and are shocked to hear her using the n-word on the phone while talking to a friend........ then all of a sudden, you are staring up at a surgeon and hear the beep-beeping of hospital machines and see nurses buzzing about, there are lights above you and you're wearing unfashionable foot apparel, you realize you are back in your body and haven't died but are being miraculously resuscitated back to life through incredible luck and great surgery.... a few days later your african-american friend comes to visit and you remember what you saw but don't want to ask her if she uses the n-word so just try to say to her that you had a vision of her talking on the phone and you tell her what she was wearing, etc..... she is amazed and tells you she was talking to her uncle Delfrie on the phone in the Carribean...... do you raise the topic of the n-word with her?

for a while Mohatma Ghandi experimented with fasting and vegetarianism, self-abnegation, to the point where he could truly be called a fakir, in which case, would it be fair to say that his mother at this point was a mother fakir?