this is 40 (this if fordy)

ok so i just got back from the cinema, saw that movie, 'this is 40'..... i think that's what they call an 'ensemble piece'... no special effects, just alot of acting and serious actors have to carry the movie..... basically a chick flick really, i saw on imdb before watching the movie that it was like the sequel to 'knocked up'..... i hadn't/haven't seen 'knocked up' movie but judging from imdb it looked like some kind of silly comedians from LA, just a tiny ratpack of them make some movie and get adam sandler to make a cameo and it has some people getting hit in a football game in a park and some beer and a rock band and a love story kind of movie and maybe no abortion at the end, it didn't look like it was going to get all deep and meaningful exploration of relationships, just be kind of drink 10 beers, have a hangover and eat bbq sausage, that's what 'knocked up' looked like on imdb..............

'this is 40' is very 'pensativo' (that's spanish for 'thoughtful')

anyway, you know what? i have a secret, i didn't even realize it, but i guess deep down inside i always really admired jimmy smits in law and order and probably deeply wish i could be jimmy smits in a law and order episode and kind of just walk into an interrogation room and offer a plea bargain...... and talk like people only talk in movies, and never in real life, even if they like to pretend to act like people in movies talk like people in real life actual do....

cue harp effect and wavey screen motion as we enter benji's fantasy land..........

strike 2 chords for law and order high pitched piano sound at start of each scene that makes you run over from the kitchen sink....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9u9kimBDTc (law and order 'doink' sound at start of each episode)....

benji jimmy smits walks down law and order corridor, hot bitch in skirt to her knees and business attire briefs benji


'ok what's the story?' asks benji

'ok we have the entire cast of some schmaltzy movie, and that includes the character actor john lithgow,' says the briefer....

'good grief, john lithgow, he has an acting range from here (benji places tip of finger to nostril) to here (benji inserts finger in nostril) - i mean he once fell asleep on stage and got his greatest reviews during his stint on broadway, i never know when he's happy or angry, he's like some kind of morbid dude from scotland........ he will not escape justice, no sirree bob,'....

[cut - door opens]

'has everyone been read their rights?' smits says and flicks a few handouts down in front of people, 'say hello to your new script...'

http://render-asia.groupon-content.net/farm/v1/voucher/723912956/part1/323ADFC46A.pdf

'but this is a voucer for dental work,' said one arraigned actor from the cast of 'this is 40'.....

'ok, oops, this is your new script....' smit flicks different handouts out to people....

http://www.aclu.org/torturefoia/released/082409/olcremand/2004olc97.pdf
http://www.whitehouse.gov/the_press_office/EnsuringLawfulInterrogations

after a while the players study the documents and one asks:

'this is a top secret cia document on how to interrogate and torture terrorists, and the other document is president obama's directive on lawful interrogation... the two documents seem to contradict eachother....'

'that's right,' says smits, 'look how you can be interrogated to turn State's evidence, slapped in the face, body, have a solid object like a cucumber shoved ur your anus while your lying face down spread-eagled, flown from here to there by a team of black ninjas...have your head smashed against a wall in a practice known as 'walling' which is always glossed over by the media, left and right'

'but we're not terrorists,' said a little girl from the cast of the movie 'this is 40' heartwarmingly cutely....

'you're not terrorists?' asked smits in a cutesy girlish tone condascendingly, 'and maybe i'm not the anti-Christ!' he said, going back to the normal voice, 'except.... I AM!!!!!!!' smits yelled, and his cheeks began to bubble up and appeart to melt and contort, a black scorpion scuttled its way out of his mouth and scuttled across the table, maggots began to appear to eat at his cheek and face.... the arraigned cast of 'this is 40' found themselves shackled to the floor and underside of the table and could not escape, their screams as they avoided the scorpion that ran out of smits' mouth and other critters were real.....

'so maybe...' smits started again, his skin magically back to normal, the maggots and critters were gone, the cast of 'this is 40', lithgow and friends, they were all shocked, had they just seen that? perhaps they had suffered a group psychosis administered by drugging, what had happened? 'so maybe, just maybe you are terrorists....' finished Smits

'what do you want to do with us,' asked one actor from the movie that hitherto had remained silent, except for his screams......

'you're gonna rat out your thespian buddies that are working for al-Qaeda or you'll have your heads shaved, i'll stick you all under a sun-lamp, and drug you so all you can say is, "allah, allah", even though you wish you could say more.... then i'll have you flown to bagram airport base in afghanistan and the u.s. army will manacle you to a ceiling where you'll dangle down and beat you to death....'

'they wouldn't do that to a kid, would they?' asked a girl from the movie

'they'd lock you up for years, but they wouldn't beat you up like that, no....'

'but this is america goddam it! u.s. soldiers don't just beat people to death!' said another actor

'you won't be people after i shave your heads, stick you under a sunlamp and drug you so all you can say is "allah, allah", you'll be afghani terrorists, and afghani terrorists aren't even people, even if they were just sheep farmers that have never even heard of osama bin laden, get it?'

'u.s. soldiers would never do that!'

'they'll do it out of a sense of revenge, and then they'll have their KFC vouchers taken off them and get a smack on the bottom...'

everyone in the room turned white.....

finally someone arraigned asked.... 'but what about you, you're the anti-christ, isn't that an unlawful mixing of church and state?'

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bagram_torture_and_prisoner_abuse

'we're wasting time, lithgow, you spent a few years playing an alien from another planet in 3rd rock from the sun,' smits continued

'that's right,' responded lithgow

'which of your co-stars from your alien family from a different planet were terrorists working for al-Qaeda....'

lithgow turned white.... 'none of them were,'....

'he doesn't want to co-operate,' said smits to one of his helpers, 'have him flown to afghanistan....right now'

'no wait!' said Lithgow as the first key turned to unshackle his wrists from under the table... 'i'll confess, you know the guy that plays my son in 3rd Rock from the Sun?'

Smits stood in front of him impassively, his arms crossed, the knee-skirted hot bitch assistant told him to go on

'okay, that's French Stewart, he's a wonderful actor and just a darling of a man.... we first met in Berkely, during a backstreet theatre rendition of Richard the third....'

'come on get on with it already, save me all the thespian bullshit!' roared Jimmy Smits, who was, after all, the anti-Christ.... there was still no sign of the big dragon thing like in the book of revelations but Smits credentials as anti-Christ were unquestionable...

'ok, ok,' said Lithgow, trying to think fast, 'you know the character Stewart was playing in 3rd Rock was an alien from a different planet.... Stewart went to the props department unbeknownst to the production design team and used the spaceship that the characters used to travel to Earth from a different Galaxy and he kind of just 'borrowed' it for a while...'

'What do you mean he 'borrowed' it?' asked Smits

'He basically kept it in his garage the entire run of the show... it went on for years, everytime he wanted to get out of the country fast, he'd just get into his garage, get into his spaceship and fly to Afghanistan at warp speed, he was having an illicit sexual relationship with Bin Laden in the period immediately leading up to the 9/11 attacks... remember that story on CNN how Bin Laden was holding his hand in the air and counting off the airplanes one by one, even though no-one was around to see that or report that? Well French was there alright, he was giving Bin Laden a tummy massage at that exact moment.....'

'go on,' said Smits, at least finally they were arriving at the Truth.

'After we'd finish shooting on 3rd Rock, i'd go and throw a frisbee with French, I know it sounds cliched, but that's what we really did, he was really excited about getting his own fragrance, 'does it smell good?' i asked him, 'yeah it smells great', he responded, anyway i was really worried about him because the success was starting to really go to his head, he didn't seem at all grounded, everyone around him was just a sycophantic yes man, 'want your doodle sucked French?' some groupie would ask him, 'sure, why not,' french would respond... i was afraid the man i had so dearly loved as a brother was slipping away from me, his very Soul abandoning him due to his lousy behavior in real life.... kind of how your face just disappeared a moment ago and maggots started squirming all over it....'

'go on,' said Smits, sensing Lithgow was telling the Truth... 'did he ever show you this spaceship of his...'

'yeah i mean we had all been in it with the Pilot and all but after that first episode we just kind of lost interest in warp speed and we kind of just figured the production design people would have stopped renting it or whatever, you know...'

'so what happened?' asked Smits...

'well i mean,' continued Lithgow, 'this was going on for years, leading up to the 9/11 attacks, i think French's first involvement with Bin Laden was in 1997, that's when he first flew out there, he used to say he could press the toaster switch down in Santa Monica and by the time the toast had popped he would be in Kabul landing on some mountainside outside Bin Laden's hideout...'

'you know he's stolen so much of my thunder, so much... FUCKING Bin Laden!!!!' said Smits, who was really the anti-Christ and dramatically smashed a chair against a wall which exploded in a fiery ball of flame excitingly....

'so why didn't you tell anyone about it,' asked Smits, recomposing himself after the momentary outburst... 'well at first i mean no-one even knew or cared about Bin Laden before the 9/11 attacks, i found out afterwards he had killed some americans and some non-u.s. citizen africans in kenya before French began his relationship with him, but i mean, really, no-one knew or cared about Bin Laden in those days, especially not in Hollywood, i mean he wasn't even a member of the SAG for Pete's sake!'

'what about after 9/11?' asked Smits, 'why didn't you rat him out then to the Feds?'

'are you serious? 3rd Rock was cancelled, i was shocked when they announced it, i had to go into therapy, the last time i saw French we were climbing a mountain in Oregon and he told me he was going to go hot-air ballooning in Canada for a year or so and just get away from the business, i had completely forgot about his love affair with Bin Laden.... Osama was just one of many lovers he had back in those days, i was just afraid he'd come into work any day and be like, John i've got aids, stay away from me if you see me fall over and start to bleed....'

The report, coupled with recent developments in Libya, also highlights the CIA’s chronic inability to distinguish between violent anti-American Islamist groups such as Al Qaeda and those who simply opposed their own oppressive regime and sought to overturn it. The Bush Administration promoted cordial relations with Qaddafi, while the Bush-era CIA worked intensively to develop a close rapport with Qaddafi’s security forces, much as it did in Egypt, Yemen and a number of other repressive Arab states. In 2011, the Obama Administration reversed course, siding with the rebels opposing Qaddafi and deploying military and intelligence resources to topple his regime. Many of the Libyan groups persecuted and abused by the CIA belonged to the alliance that toppled Qaddafi, and a number of their leaders are now in positions of importance in the new regime. Thus the CIA’s miscalculations could not have been more sweeping or more harmful to long-term U.S. interests.

In an important speech last year at Harvard University, CIA veteran and Obama counterterrorism adviser John O. Brennan stressed that the administration’s Middle East policies emphasize the rule of law and respect for human rights. If that’s true, then the cache of evidence disclosed by the Libyan revolution and the comparable evidence that has emerged in Egypt point to the CIA as a rogue institution operating at dangerous cross-purposes with official U.S. policy. The agency aligned itself closely with the most abusive institutions in the countries where it was operating, and enabled the wanton torture of political opponents. Those tight relationships appear to have seriously warped its intelligence posture, leaving it dangerously blind to the developments that swept the Arab world early last year. Moreover, much of the conduct highlighted in the HRW report violated criminal statutes, including the Anti-Torture Act and the prohibition on renditions of persons to countries where they were likely to face torture.

'sir if i could interrupt a moment,' said another cast member of the 'this is 40' movie.... 'i was scheduled to have a warbling tournament today...'

'what's warbling?' asked Smits...

'it's kind of like yodelling except instead of yodelling the people warble, like birds.... warbling...'

someone opened the door and stuck their head in, 'jimmy, i got two trucks in the loading bay, one full of horseshit, the other full of bullshit, whaddaya want me to do with them?'