gym week 28: 150 metres swum, ocean currents

gym week 26: set workout, 1km walked; gym week 27: 2km

did one of gym's set workouts, ended up hurting my thighs, felt like barfing after smoking a packet of cigarettes. Have now smoked around 30 cigarettes since quitting for around 65 days on July 22nd.

stanky as hell, night in the cab

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xi20Si3jRIo

'sup slurts............ so happy to be in bed.... it's daylight savings so an hour has like mysteriously vanished as of less than 20 minutes ago

just walked home in the time it took to listen to 'tu cafe' five times..... from a new (to me) taxi base not far from my crib........... I walked past the crib I rented a few months while the mother in law was in town few years back and then our local Christian church (Anglican) which I actually discovered when living at aforementioned temporary crib near parramatta rd........

this was my first taxi shift in over 6 months.........tried calling brian Kilmeade from fox news on his radio show while gassing up towards the end but there's no way you can get through to that show -- already tried various months ago and forget about it -- it's like Guantanamo bay.........Kilmeade acts like he's on steroids and drives a tank around all day long crushing traffic.......

some dummy got in my cab and says he wants to go to 'misty's' -- in surry hills.........this rang faint bells of a brothel on chalmers street but I googled it it was actually on riley street --- anyway he was impudent to me so I told him it wasn't my job to suck his dick and take a walk .... he started pissing and moaning so I asked him sarcastically if he wanted a kiss goodbye.... then he called me a 'cunt' so I asked him if he wanted to call me a vagina now and then he called me a fat motherfucker so I asked him if he wanted to talk about my wife now - then he slammed the door shut

unlike these evangelicals I guess that maybe wouldn't have taken him to a brothel, I would have......if he was polite and respectful.......... sweedenborg confirms what I always thought, lack of sex can make people suffer serious mental aberrations........... being confronted with so many psychiatric issue people over the years, I have really marvelled at how they couldn't solve their frustrations by hooking up.........certainly it has helped me many times just to get cozy with some girl when I was younger

sweedenborg is talking a lot about conjugial love and conjugial marriage and the sanctity of marriage and stuff and how demons from hell in the spirit plane are trying to influence people negatively from there -- he says that they don't know who their victim is as they can't see it but they know they're affecting someone to do evil -- it seems to make a lot of sense............i'm definitely struggling in my marriage - I started smoking again after 2 months free and now my kids are going to get sick so I really need to stop that....... just took some valerium pills which should help me sleep...........after five years of driving taxi pretty much in a row, I know staying up to 3am can make it difficult to sleep ... I hope to sleep soon and bring my kids to church tomorrow in 6 and a half hours time.......... this church, by the way, is the first church I ever regularly attended, in my entire life, and I started going there a little over 2 and half years ago although I don't attend every week

talking about the brothel point earlier and sweedenborg.......sweedenborg is very much against adultery although he does condone 'taking a mistress' temporarily in the event of marital breakdown where a husband still wants to maintain good relations with his wife over a duration for the sake of kids or whatever, he stresses not to mix conjugial love in the this event with natural/sex love and not to go to bed alternatingly with both partners --- i'm not sure about it -- I think with marriage you only take one bite of the apple and don't marry again except in case of death and even then you have a choice not to......... although if you have little kids to raise it's understandable if you did marry again............... I have no idea......... one customer tonight was a nice French woman, we were talking in French for a while, she was attractive and all, well educated, had a good job, like an engineer......... I can't see the point of having a fling while i'm married though, even if i'm separated from my wife -- if we get completely divorced maybe i'd date women, I don't know..............of course if you're a dedicated muslim you might take more than one wife but that's not my religion but I respect that it's a bona fide religion and valid for Saudis who do that, I don't begrudge them that

presidential contest, talking media heads, etc

ignore the lamey pants talking heads at fox news etc, Hilary Clinton had one good line about trump being unhinged for tweeting at 3am... Maybe he had to change a fuse, whatever

trump, Clinton debate: benji's perceptions

if you listened without watching, you might have thought Hilary was winning.... But if you actually saw Hilary grinning smugly the whole time, you might end up wondering if it was because she was happy noone put her in a straight jacket and hockey mask. Clearly the term poker face was far from her mind. Her campaign manager, another woman, also smiles smugly and cockily, most likely they are both confident noone will punch them in the face, being women.


trump scowled the entire time, presumably because America is a mess or whatever reason, it seemed sincere enough.


neither party was able to hide much in terms of their faces

50 shades of hammer pants

howdy dirty sluts

i'm really pissed off!  I've been jacking off to evil internet porn for days and days now, like five or so i'm guessing........ actually it's been a week now............... the dumb bitch I was dumb enough to marry was just being obnoxiously rude and it was just all I could take so I just shut down and stopped talking to her about exactly a week ago now........... that meant instead of hanging out with her for half an hour on Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday between 115pm and 145pm from when she gets home from work to when I get home from work, I just left as soon as she arrived without even talking to her.......... Friday morning til 145pm and all day Saturday was our main time together as a family but i'm continuing to just ignore her and slam doors and stuff..........

this also means i'm not making eye contact with my kids or talking to them much......the girl was very insistent on being friends and that was heart warming I suppose but i'm not going to be a nice guy to them if their mom is treating me like a piece of total shit...........not going to hate on them either, just shut down my heart............. anyway it's not easy and it has been hell to some extent

I had a cigarette today for the first time since 22nd july........... just the one.......... I also drank some rakia and rented out the carpet cleaning machine with the little tank that fills up with dirty sudsy water, the same one I rented out when the brad pitt vehicle 'fury' was out at the cinema............ so the carpets are hella clean ---- turns out 'fury' is only $4 so i'm going to watch that........... not sure how i'm going to take care of the kids tomorrow without the dumb bitch doing all the heavy lifting but it turns out i'll just bring them to the local church and they can go to sunday school there and there'll be someone interesting to talk to afterwards, the kids can play with their buddies there and hopefully the sermon won't be too retarded and stupid.......... the afternoon will probably suck --- i'm not sure how to entertain my kids without getting down onto their level, which i'm capable of doing, so maybe better just to shock them into just playing amongst themselves........ have already slammed enough doors around for that to be feasible

first i'll watch my fury movie,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA8bEGM8EgQ


then i'll watch the real deal tonight, it was a VERY good movie as I recalled it:  the director david ayers really got them to get super authentic and it really shows.... not like oliver stone's 'alexander' where they all look like they came out of a hairdressing salon and had their nails done and wearing freshest linens and all.....

Yet what the gossip magazines won't know - what the wedding cover story of People couldn't guess at - is the seven months of torture he'd go through making Fury before he got there.
The boot camp that broke him. The on-set fights he would have to split up. The days and nights eating, shitting and sleeping in the tank for the sake of authenticity. A director who made them literally fight each other, who waged psychological war, who made them as close as brothers so they could hurt each other as only brothers can. The small matter of Shia LaBeouf pulling his own teeth out.


great --- didn't have to go fishing around for my wallet and punching in credit card numbers after viewing my little 'fury' videoclip above......... that puts me in a good enough mood to offer johnny depp some charity in the form of a joke which was apparently the favorite joke of my teenage years buddy with the uncanny looking similarity to Winston Churchill, to wit:  "why are there so many refuges in Australia for battered women?" my buddy would ask and then pound his fist into his open palm and deliver his favorite punchline:  "because they don't f*cking listen!"


ok it's time to watch the movie, lights out!


well that was a hoot and a holler.......... so on the radio the other day, some guy was talking up a charlston Heston movie --- it's not something benji would generally think about --- Charlton Heston -- in fact, benji could only tell you that maybe he's from the 50s or something -- benji doesn't know anything about him except he was like brad pitt will be to future benjis of the 2060s, just the shadow of a name of some Hollywood movie star from wayback when --- no future benjis of 2065 are gonna even remember one of brad pitt's movies same way benji doesn't remember any of Heston's movies

now let's talk about marriage.............. after reading over and over again sweedenborg's book on conjugial marriage......etc....... it seems that benji is screwed.......... no one wants to mess up......... it's obvious sex is the glue that keeps a marriage together, especially when partners are at age of having sex......... I think in my marriage my wife thinks it's all a joke, it's easy to think marriage is a big joke -- or else she wants to be the boss.......... she seems to be happy not to have sex unless it's at the cost of just being rude and snarky and generally disrespectful............. that's where sex becomes a power struggle.......... it seems to me that the society I knew, and actually I've known quite a few to be honest, if you count all the places I've visited, even briefly, like xinjiang in china or wherever...... morals are on the lax..........nobody gives a shit........ I can't stand the idea of sharing my kids with some other dad and remarrying and having a shared family, it is totally alien to me......... i'd rather just go live in northern spain or suicide or whatever....... definitely I would turn my back on my kids, if I had to, without question......... it wouldn't be their fault or mine and my wife would just have hell to pay for it whenever.......... I think it's a pity women are so uppity these days about everything --- they sure are nowhere to be seen when it's time to fight a war.......... nowadays everybody is a big pansie anyway and no one fights a war, least not in Europe, france just gets shot up and trucked down a little over the last year and everyone's like ho-hum, where's the next pokemon --- the entire nation of Syria has been turned into a pile of rubble........... I remember having a student from Syria in 2008 in sofia, Bulgaria......his name was zeki......... which is Syrian for 'smart'.........to think back then he had a nation and now he has a pile of bricks and rubble and corpses for a nation.........good job barry (Obama)...... see it's tough being a u.s. president!    anyway, that's all digressing, back to being married, I am absolutely going of my mind not having sex, my skin is burning -- internet porn is the only way I can bust a nut and it is just turning my brain into turd porridge........... Australia is so hardcore goody two shoes, one time about two years ago I tried slapping my wife into submission and she called the cops, they immediately put a cease and desist order on me without even consulting my wife, I told her to have it removed or i'd move out and she did but at the same time, she threatens to call the police if I even yell at her so I can't even be a man in my own home and tell my wife what to do, society is against it here............... this leaves me with the option of half-arsed sticking around with prostitutes behind my wife's back............ leaving the country............. leaving the home which I am certainly going to do -- the mother in law's coming out anyway so it's game over............ I can't believe my wife or anyone thinks it's wise to just break a family up for no good reason apart from a little pride and a preference for peace and quiet during tv time........... I'm not sure what to even do with myself after I move out to make way for my dumb fat bitch mother in law.......... at least she can take care of my kids.......better to have blood taking care of them than some total strangers at a daycare centre............ the workload was too much for me and with my stupid dumb bitch of a dumb cunt wife acting the fool over the past few months with her funny ideas about women's liberation -- she'll end up getting raped by some strangers in a future lifetime -- she's just making her own bed --- fuck her............. i'm really upset


look at this stupid life coach corey wayne, you can tell he doesn't know anything about being married:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15ahFSyeTwY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cn-AGeKr97I


Lao-tzu:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EXoutAIG4k

Lao-Tzu    and  his  contemporary  Confucias