i'm really pissed off! I've been jacking off to evil internet porn for days and days now, like five or so i'm guessing........ actually it's been a week now............... the dumb bitch I was dumb enough to marry was just being obnoxiously rude and it was just all I could take so I just shut down and stopped talking to her about exactly a week ago now........... that meant instead of hanging out with her for half an hour on Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday between 115pm and 145pm from when she gets home from work to when I get home from work, I just left as soon as she arrived without even talking to her.......... Friday morning til 145pm and all day Saturday was our main time together as a family but i'm continuing to just ignore her and slam doors and stuff..........
this also means i'm not making eye contact with my kids or talking to them much......the girl was very insistent on being friends and that was heart warming I suppose but i'm not going to be a nice guy to them if their mom is treating me like a piece of total shit...........not going to hate on them either, just shut down my heart............. anyway it's not easy and it has been hell to some extent
I had a cigarette today for the first time since 22nd july........... just the one.......... I also drank some rakia and rented out the carpet cleaning machine with the little tank that fills up with dirty sudsy water, the same one I rented out when the brad pitt vehicle 'fury' was out at the cinema............ so the carpets are hella clean ---- turns out 'fury' is only $4 so i'm going to watch that........... not sure how i'm going to take care of the kids tomorrow without the dumb bitch doing all the heavy lifting but it turns out i'll just bring them to the local church and they can go to sunday school there and there'll be someone interesting to talk to afterwards, the kids can play with their buddies there and hopefully the sermon won't be too retarded and stupid.......... the afternoon will probably suck --- i'm not sure how to entertain my kids without getting down onto their level, which i'm capable of doing, so maybe better just to shock them into just playing amongst themselves........ have already slammed enough doors around for that to be feasible
first i'll watch my fury movie,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA8bEGM8EgQ
then i'll watch the real deal tonight, it was a VERY good movie as I recalled it: the director david ayers really got them to get super authentic and it really shows.... not like oliver stone's 'alexander' where they all look like they came out of a hairdressing salon and had their nails done and wearing freshest linens and all.....
Yet what the gossip magazines won't know - what the wedding cover story of People couldn't guess at - is the seven months of torture he'd go through making Fury before he got there.
The boot camp that broke him. The on-set fights he would have to split up. The days and nights eating, shitting and sleeping in the tank for the sake of authenticity. A director who made them literally fight each other, who waged psychological war, who made them as close as brothers so they could hurt each other as only brothers can. The small matter of Shia LaBeouf pulling his own teeth out.
great --- didn't have to go fishing around for my wallet and punching in credit card numbers after viewing my little 'fury' videoclip above......... that puts me in a good enough mood to offer johnny depp some charity in the form of a joke which was apparently the favorite joke of my teenage years buddy with the uncanny looking similarity to Winston Churchill, to wit: "why are there so many refuges in Australia for battered women?" my buddy would ask and then pound his fist into his open palm and deliver his favorite punchline: "because they don't f*cking listen!"
ok it's time to watch the movie, lights out!
well that was a hoot and a holler.......... so on the radio the other day, some guy was talking up a charlston Heston movie --- it's not something benji would generally think about --- Charlton Heston -- in fact, benji could only tell you that maybe he's from the 50s or something -- benji doesn't know anything about him except he was like brad pitt will be to future benjis of the 2060s, just the shadow of a name of some Hollywood movie star from wayback when --- no future benjis of 2065 are gonna even remember one of brad pitt's movies same way benji doesn't remember any of Heston's movies
now let's talk about marriage.............. after reading over and over again sweedenborg's book on conjugial marriage......etc....... it seems that benji is screwed.......... no one wants to mess up......... it's obvious sex is the glue that keeps a marriage together, especially when partners are at age of having sex......... I think in my marriage my wife thinks it's all a joke, it's easy to think marriage is a big joke -- or else she wants to be the boss.......... she seems to be happy not to have sex unless it's at the cost of just being rude and snarky and generally disrespectful............. that's where sex becomes a power struggle.......... it seems to me that the society I knew, and actually I've known quite a few to be honest, if you count all the places I've visited, even briefly, like xinjiang in china or wherever...... morals are on the lax..........nobody gives a shit........ I can't stand the idea of sharing my kids with some other dad and remarrying and having a shared family, it is totally alien to me......... i'd rather just go live in northern spain or suicide or whatever....... definitely I would turn my back on my kids, if I had to, without question......... it wouldn't be their fault or mine and my wife would just have hell to pay for it whenever.......... I think it's a pity women are so uppity these days about everything --- they sure are nowhere to be seen when it's time to fight a war.......... nowadays everybody is a big pansie anyway and no one fights a war, least not in Europe, france just gets shot up and trucked down a little over the last year and everyone's like ho-hum, where's the next pokemon --- the entire nation of Syria has been turned into a pile of rubble........... I remember having a student from Syria in 2008 in sofia, Bulgaria......his name was zeki......... which is Syrian for 'smart'.........to think back then he had a nation and now he has a pile of bricks and rubble and corpses for a nation.........good job barry (Obama)...... see it's tough being a u.s. president! anyway, that's all digressing, back to being married, I am absolutely going of my mind not having sex, my skin is burning -- internet porn is the only way I can bust a nut and it is just turning my brain into turd porridge........... Australia is so hardcore goody two shoes, one time about two years ago I tried slapping my wife into submission and she called the cops, they immediately put a cease and desist order on me without even consulting my wife, I told her to have it removed or i'd move out and she did but at the same time, she threatens to call the police if I even yell at her so I can't even be a man in my own home and tell my wife what to do, society is against it here............... this leaves me with the option of half-arsed sticking around with prostitutes behind my wife's back............ leaving the country............. leaving the home which I am certainly going to do -- the mother in law's coming out anyway so it's game over............ I can't believe my wife or anyone thinks it's wise to just break a family up for no good reason apart from a little pride and a preference for peace and quiet during tv time........... I'm not sure what to even do with myself after I move out to make way for my dumb fat bitch mother in law.......... at least she can take care of my kids.......better to have blood taking care of them than some total strangers at a daycare centre............ the workload was too much for me and with my stupid dumb bitch of a dumb cunt wife acting the fool over the past few months with her funny ideas about women's liberation -- she'll end up getting raped by some strangers in a future lifetime -- she's just making her own bed --- fuck her............. i'm really upset
look at this stupid life coach corey wayne, you can tell he doesn't know anything about being married:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15ahFSyeTwY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cn-AGeKr97I
Lao-tzu:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EXoutAIG4k
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| Lao-Tzu and his contemporary Confucias |
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