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I mentioned earlier on the blog I've been doing a shit ton of therapy on the phone with Americans on the warmline. Needless to say there's a special spot for Americans in my ossie Spaniard heart and most recently the chap I spoke with sounded a little Hispanic then I got the southern belle with the deep southern accent. Very accentuated. Normally I just ramble on for a while and then after twenty minutes they might pull me up as they have time limits. With my last session with southern belle we went longer and it was like after 2am on my boat I think by the time we quit. In the end she was telling me about her personal life, apparently. Then after that a day or two or whenever later I did a session on the phone with my Australian counselor, she's a second year psychology student and her husband is a fire fighter she tells me. She has three kids like me and I set the price at $20 per hour (I don't like to pay as I get it free with the Americans but she's a local woman and understands the local psychology plus her hubby is a fire fighter that's a plus.)
If I were having a session with Heard I'd proceed from the moment around June 2018 my phone rings. It's my boss at Burwood bus depot in Sydney: my application to transfer to Ryde depot has been accepted. Will I stay with Burwood more than the three years I've been already or xfer to Ryde depot? Staying with Burwood means transitioning to the private sector as we're in the process of privatising everything. I'll get more benefits staying with the government plus I'm interested to experience something new. The guys at Burwood were super chummy and super welcoming. Very nice guys to work with. The areas we covered were super unwhite. A north south axis of Sydney ranging from Hurstville in the deep south to Macquarie centre in the north. I'd been there already three years and was bored with everything including all the Asians on the north south M41 route. Obviously any dumbass like the dumbass white Canadian sounding college kid that stomped off my bus in disgust for overhearing me not sounding overwhelmed with joy for working with Asians could make me sound like a racist. But I'm the one that spent almost two years in Asia and learned a good whack of Chinese. Probably not dumbass Canadian sounding white college boy with his dumbass college brainwashing from the moron cretin white people there. Anyway I don't know I remember rocking up to a Xmas party after I transferred out and the guys were pretty happy to see me and pretty kind.
I guess I was spiralling into hell a bit at the time...
So you've basically called me and told me you moved out after three years. Heard interrupts to say to me on the phone.
That's right Vasquez, I respond and proceed talking. I transferred to Ryde depot as I implied. The first two weeks or so were super tricky getting to Ryde depot as I had no vehicle to use apart from my pushbike and free public transport. Then I acquired Britney.
What's that? Vazquez asks me.
A 650cc motorbike I got from a guy claiming to be a policeman's brother. He said his bro was always telling him about crazy police shit.
Like what? Vazquez asks me.
Like nowadays perverts can go watch fags screwing each other on stage, like married couples who don't want kids and work in mental hospitals or something. Well some homicidal feeling guy tried poisoning some of the patrons dead there, working at the bar, shit like that.
Sounds interesting, Vazquez interjects.
Yeah so the night I got Britney I'd only ridden a 50cc bike which was like 25mph maximum speed uphill.
I rode dirt bikes a lot when I was a kid, my father was a bike mechanic, you must be a fatty. Vazquez offers.
I've just got big bones. So I'll never remember that first night riding Britney. Fully sick cuz.
I can imagine, I know exactly what you mean. Vazquez says.
Yeah by the time I got home I'd figured out the gears a bit and I parked it across the road in front of an old abandoned house and kept her a secret as long as I could.
That's cool. Why was the house abandoned? Vazquez asks.
I asked my mother about it, I was living at her house at the time with my two daughters and their mother, she said there was an old married couple living there and as she recalls it she and her husband made friends with them on one occasion years ago. Not much to tell. They had died and the house stayed empty and in disrepair. Britney was camoflauged out front of it and I'd leave for work without flashing my jacket or helmet and ride her to Ryde depot.
So what happened with Britney in the end? Vazquez asks.
I had to give berth to her. It was necessary to ride her to a berthing at the port where she could be deposited into a cargo liner.
Wow, Vazquez interjects. So that's where you got off.... Did it hurt?
You say your father was a bike mechanic and you rode dirt bikes as a kid. I remember all the youths riding their unregistered dirt bikes past my momma's house popping wheelies, often with someone holding on behind them. Like little fifteen year old kids. You ever pop wheelies like that?
Yes I did. Now what else happened in your story. This Ms Vazquez asks me.
Well I'll tell you, I was riding on the bus as a kid to my local town centre.
Which is where? Vazquez asks.
Just kind of south of Dallas.
Oh ok, coz you came through on the Virginia line.
The phone router must have transferred me, I called like the Texas line but maybe sometimes it diverts to the national line, I explain.
Ok so what happened on the bus when you were a kid?
I was like ten or eleven, some kind of retarded kids would get on the bus at a big giant special campus school for mentally slow kids. They'd pile onto the bus like a mile from where I'd board and they'd be all rambunctious and in my face a little sometimes. They'd be older, one day they showed me a nudey card, like a pack of playing cards with lewd photos, I guess it was embarrassing and awkward for me. Mostly they just looked super retarded and comfortably unaware of that. I never felt like I had to point anything out to anyone when I was a kid about much in general so I just felt awkward around those kids I guess.
Before you said you learned a good whack of Chinese, what did you mean by that?
Well just basic everyday language, simple things to say in conversation but not that much either. It's just a hobby, learning a language, everyone's got their own way of learning.
How are your daughters now and their mother?
They're fine, I say.
What about your father?
He passed away.
Can you tell me anything about him?
His name was Thomas, he was a steam train driver.
You mean like he'd drive those old fashioned steam trains around?
Yeah he'd control the locomotive and pull carriages and stuff.
Tell me more about your relationship with Thomas the tank engine driver, your father. Vazquez probes.
He had no arms and would get around in a wheelchair, he was very career focused and only seemed to care about pleasing his work colleagues, Percy, Edward, Gordon, the Fat Controller.
Who was the Fat Controller? Vazquez asks me.
He was the shot caller at the railyard. The big boss.
How was your father outside of work?
He was the kind of employee that immersed himself so much in his work, it's like he'd bring it home with him.
How so?
I'm not sure I want to go into details. I mean I think I was happy kind of just seeing him on videophone at a distance, more than close up in person. He was a bit overwhelming up close, as you can imagine.
I'm not sure what to think.... Did your father ever have arms?
No, he never had arms, he just got his steam engine Thomas to roll without arms. Someone else had to scoop the coal.
So you never got a hug from your father?
I'm not sure he'd want to hug anyone. I don't think he was the hugging type.
https://youtu.be/M689w7-WrmI
That's too bad, kids need affection from they [sic] parents.
I didn't get much.
So what exactly was your father bringing home from work?
Like sticks and stones, like you'd find in a railway yard.
So what was the problem with that? Was he like a hoarder?
Yes, both of my parents were hoarders. Pretty sure.
So what now?
So now I'm playing with my Smurf figurines. Close your eyes you can see the whole village.
Is Papa Smurf there?
The Smurf with the auspicious and unique red hat is actually Ethan Hawke, the movie actor.
What's he doing?
He's shitting on everyone.
Why?
I guess he needs to go to the bathroom. Ask him. How long have you been a counselor for?
***
Typically after a counseling session on the boat I'll just loaf around and watch YouTube. For example, who knew the Drugpa sect had so many monasteries in Butane [sic] and other Himalayan areas???? They have little red hats....
https://youtu.be/ete0HXY2yYs
Also the Thunderbirds are working on they [sic] motor as well....
https://youtu.be/HhOknQXoEu8
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