actor ryan gosling is summoned by super-villain ernst blofeld

i like big nuts and i cannot lie

it was a late autumnal evening, when the hollywood actor, Ryan Gosling, was called by his former co-star Jack, from the movie Can you dig Rhubarb? to go party in Vegas after Jack's prolonged absence in Vietnam filming a documentary about pistachio and macadamia production in Vietnam for an airline in flight commercial......

it just so happened that Jack was partying and doing more and more drugs than ever before and he decided to spike Gosling's drinks with some Ketamine and LSD, just for laughs

sometime, not long, thereafter, with the effects of alcohol, Ketamine and LSD, it appeared to Gosling that he was informed that Ernst Blofeld would see him now..... he proceeded towards Blofeld's desk, his famous white cat was there on his lap and he stroked it attentively..... such a nice cat

"Sit down, Mr Gosling...." Blofeld said. He stroked his cat a little more and asked Gosling if he knew what a whittling was.

"A whittling?" his interlocutor asked in a baffled way.

"A whittling?" Blofeld reaffirmed.

"Do you mean like whittling wood, with a knife?"

"Precisely old boy, you see...." and Blofeld launched onto some long monolog about how he was a man that loved magnificence and that even something as simple as whittling wood could be a demonstration of magnificence if done correctly. He even went so far as to use the expression, 'titling of a whittling.'

"Tittling of a whittling?" Gosling asked with genuine stupefaction.

Well it turned out it was a Blofeld expression that meant the titillation received from whittling well. Blofeld blew some more hot air and Gosling began to tune out until something he said brought the conversation into sharp focus again.

"My movie 'Drive'"? Gosling asked. "The scene where I whack the guy in the hand with a hammer while he's surrounded by all those hussies in the dressing room?"

Blofeld explained that while he was not a movie aficionado at all, and rarely watched movies, he was incredibly disappointed by how fake that scene looked, how far it was from magnificence, how he missed the guy's hand completely with the hammer and the guy only reacted with seeming pain about ten seconds after his hand was hit by the hammer. How even the tittling of a whittling was better than that.

"Sorry....... um dude....." Gosling offered.

"Old boy, you have done violence a disservice by that rendering of the hammer blow, that is my concern," he said and proceeded to stroke his cat some more. Then he pressed a button on his desk and said:

"send in the clowns."