Instructions for how to use the paddle when stuck up shit creek for Hunter and Joe

 

Different lawyers have different advice:

https://youtu.be/sDKmH6pbPWw

1) ascertain what your paddle is made of? Wood, steel, etc

2) is it a double paddle or slot together paddle?

3) will it work up shit creek?

4) how thick is the shit in shit creek? Insert your paddle in the creek after ascertaining which end is the handle, try rowing

5) is your paddle actually moving you? Can you call for help? Mobile phone coverage? Anyone about?

6) what if you lose your paddle? Can you get it back or will you really be caught up shit creek without a paddle?

7) was your paddle made in Sweden by IKEA? How old is it? What to do if your paddle snaps (see section two).

8) have you paid for your paddle? Will you be writing your lawyer an IOU for the paddle? Will you be printing cash to pay or using that Sam guy's cryptocurrency?

9) can you get your media buddies to advertise the paddle for free? Can you get a big name celebrity to endorse the paddle in advertisements (if so where? Japan, Korea, where exactly??)

10) will Hunter be wearing his teeth when providing depositions? Provide detailed dental charts for exactly which teeth Hunter will be wearing.

11) will Joe and Hunter be using a stand-in rower or will either or both be actually rowing? If so simultaneously in the same canoe or separate canoes. Detail their paddle and canoe arrangements and any substitute stand-in rowers. Provide relevant dental charts for Hunter.

Best defence: claim guiltiness of being a greaseball wop inferior to north western (British isles) genetics; cite aversion to cricket, lack of (any real) teeth (in Hunter's case). Consider virtue signalling Hunter's new rainbow colored gay pride false teeth.