Tell them Douglas:
https://youtu.be/yBWCgwKersU
Howdy shluts, do y'all know the Spanish word for candle and sail?
Yes you landlubbing fuggen shluts, you guessed it:
Vela. Often pronounced incorrectly by the Hispano speakers as Bela (also my daughter Scarlet's middle name's pronunciation).
So my education is continuing. In about 14 hours time I'm taking my boating licence course (theory). Still afterwards I'll take actual sailing lessons then acquire an eight yard or so actual sailboat (I can sleep on, either at anchor or moored). And sail.
My first lesson was somewhat glorious, an American fellow who had sailed from California to Sydney invited me and my mate to lunch aboard his splendid and large ship. Also with his mate. He busied himself showing off his 60s b-grade movies he starred in and boasting about president George W Bush inviting him to the white house to advise him on marine affairs. Complemented me on reminding him of Thomas Jefferson or someone like that (I only spoke American in those days). Such an expert he couldn't explain to me not to block his ship's plumbing with toilet paper. Not surprising considering the Bush in question, and moi. He wasn't pleased with his blocked plumbing, it took him a long time to clean my shit up he said.
There'll be scant any pride or glory being invited to Biden's White house unless it's to dribble nonsense about anything your dementia plagued mind can dream up old boy, I should imagine.
Ahoy matey, just sayin'
Around 20 hours later.... Passed my test, 100% apparently. Important notes to consider:
*Xmas Joe putting the elves in (empty) shelves
*Vacio/a is Spanish for empty.
*No hay nada (there's nothing/there isn't anything)
*No hay. ¡Nada! (Can mean there's no lifejacket, swim! Depending on the context)
*do NOT dump boat sewerage in waterways
*Three bleating horn sounds indicate reversing ship
*Flashing, strobing lights are not just a paparazzi thing for pop princesses, on the water the timing and intensity of the strobing/flashing has actual meaning
* Ditto foghorn sounds
* Sailboats underway with running motor do not get right of way
* Majorly large vessels like tankers (or whatever bigger size) cannot go around my sailboat due to cumbersome slowness. It is imperative I maintain a constant look out to avoid collisions which can destroy my boat and kill me. Master anchoring and staying at anchor in this regard.
* Consider solar panels and golf cart battery solutions like Jason's to light up boat. Onboard washing machine and cooking apparati for extended trips/onboard stays
* take sailing lessons soon
* Along with strobing and bleating foghorn consider navy flag alphabet mastery
* "Man overboard" is the cry when someone is overboard. If an engine is running probably kill it. Have a safety buoy on rope to throw out. Always wear lifejacket. Learn how to master ocean sailing while learning on enclosed water.
* Instruct all comers to hold onto sunken boat in event of sinking, figure out procedure in case of a fire, not sure, probably avoid it, figure out the exact deal with that
* Four knots is not a measure of suicides in mom's garage but a speed on water of approximately 7.3kph (brisk walking speed)
* Bring skateboard to work
* Crib for auction Saturday November 6, make sure to swap shift or be fully available for call with real estate agent during auction
* Study bureau of meteorology website: winds, wave height etc
* Always give way to starboard approaching vessels on the water unless I'm sailing without motor and they're not huge and running on motor, then I get right of way
* Contact service NSW about boating licence hardcopy AND purchasing a permanent mooring point (eg yearly renewal)
* Understand lowness off tides at new moon and full moon, gravitational effects weakest, moon and sun in alignment somehow weakening gravitational pull on water. Danger of hull damage
* Ebb tides are worst time for crossing a coastal bar. Speed boats can and will hit waves too fast and flip over, killing people and smashing things. Strengthening towards high tides are best time for approaching coastal bars entering open waters. Avoid ocean swells over one yard, people constantly dying from stupidity, drowning like dumbasses. Control mistakes.
* Remember aboriginal elders, would they say 'get farked yer farken shlut', or 'fug off ya fuggen shlut'?
No comments:
Post a Comment