hi guys,
just finished watching a very elegant documentary by a bbc documentary maker louis theroux on north americans (from the usa) with severe autism -- it's all set in America.... louis at one point reveals he is of Italian and American heritage -- so while he may look and sound like an Englishman of the old school, and have a French name, the reality is somewhat different........ there were some nice excerpts of some of Mozart's nicer piano conciertos and it was all very impressive viewing
I thought towards the end, I might make a blog post about my ny buddy david.... we never kept in touch after we parted ways and I don't even know his last name to look him up on facebook -- but i'll try to write an interesting post about it anyway....... i'd just spent a little over a year in communist china, first in jilin, near north korea, then in dongying, in Shandong province and then finally seven months in Guangzhou in a holiday resort, i'd also spent a month, about midway through all that in Bulgaria doing a teaching certification course for English as a second language teachers where one of the pupils was around 21 years old at the time (I was around 28 at the time) and we eventually got married and will have three kids together (two girls and a boy), for better or worse.........
anyway, in those days, around the time of my first son's birthday, but 8 years earlier, I flew into la guardia airport, I think it was, in nyc and answered a question or two from a concerned young immigration agent, a woman, quite comely in appearance..... obviously she wasn't trying to hit on me but was doing her job to screen random comers, I told her i'd just been in china, was a teacher there, to answer her questions, and don't recall what I said about my intentions to visit America or how long i'd stay, it was my 2nd visit there after leaving Virginia in 2001 around mid November precisely 90 days after arriving, as the law allowed me to do without infringing on the 90 day visa waiver - on those original first days in America I was off to paris, france, to learn some French, which was an old idea i'd started fostering around early 1996 in southeastern spain
after spending over a year in china, I hadn't been able to make sense in any way, really, of the Chinese language, however i'd absorbed quite a bit of it (a very basic amount) but could not speak any of it much and it took some mental adjustments over the years to become proficient in pronouncing some tones, all in a very low level, extremely rudimentary, non professional way -- Chinese is not my forte
in china my time was interesting enough, although I wasn't interested in zen Buddhism or lao-tze or things like that much at the time, I suppose my mentality was similar to this way of thinking, fairly calm and relaxed without much anxiety or desire....... with lao-tze philosophy, desire is a big no no
I remember going to a starbucks in manhattan after settling in to Greenwich village for a couple of weeks after arriving and i'd learned somehow that the famous movie director, quentin tarantino was visiting this same starbucks and I tried asking one of the workers there about it as I thought I might be able to meet him like that but the worker had me pegged for a stalker or crazy shooter maybe, and was very emphatic about not sharing any information on those lines, so I forgot about that idea pretty quickly, not wanting to over-impose myself on anyone
my buddy drew, from my Virginia days in 2001, was in the picture pretty early, he'd visited me in paris, france, with his parents and brother around late 2001 or early 2002 maybe...... they flew over there on a u.s. army flight as they were a military family and could fly around free like that....... the younger brother later went to Sydney where I was and studied a year there at maybe Macquarie university but I only caught up with him once there and had become a total shut-in and hermit, completely shunning society to all effects........with drew in nyc in 2005, we went and saw a broadway show about the beach boys or something and hung out a few times, later he came again with his brother but I passed on going to a museum with them as I was settled in at forest hills and couldn't be bothered to take the subway into town
I might mention at this point that America is a tremendously safe and comfortable place to be due to the people, the proliferation of guns, the military, the nukes, the money, wealth, etc....... just an incredibly safe place with really the sanest, most reasonable people I've found anywhere --- china is also comparably safe in many ways......... even living with gangbangers and crips in LA in a homeless shelter, I rarely felt unsafe, in what is considered a black and dangerous neighborhood
that's a good place to pick up the thread with David...... one time, this David and I were in his little SUV where he had his carpentry tools, tiles, grouting, toilet bowl, whatever he needed to do his business and we needed some direction and I didn't hesitate to call out to a young black man, around age 19 looking...... most Australians, like myself, do not fear black americans and understand them well and feel sympathetic towards them and the vica-versa...... however this David was scared and nervous by it and this is common with a lot of white and Hispanic americans......David's parents were from Italy and mine were from spain and we were both first generation people born into a young country, in big cities, nyc and Sydney, respectively.......... his family had some mafia connections and he seemed proud and excited to introduce his Australian co-worker as if this were a badge of honor to have an Australian for a co-worker...... his surly looking grandfather or great uncle or whoever he was was a caricature of an Italian Mafioso like from the movies and David was remarking how it's not pretty to see someone 'get thrown down a flight of stairs', or 'have a golf club taken to their head'...... clearly David had a good heart and was a good guy but had seen or been associated with some criminal and undesirable elements......... if you're a fan of benji's blogging and mendacious and ludicrous style and humor at times, specifically with regard to the benji's penchant for nick-naming people after famous personalities from history like napoleon or hitler or stalin, we'll call this David, Julius caeser, just for the dumbness of it
anyway, David and I had the unusual distinction of sharing the same birthdate: may 16, although I think he was born around six years before me to the day...... I found him in an unemployment agency around Roosevelt heights area which is full of Hispanics and the Egyptian running the agency recommended him highly........ in fact, David seemed to enjoy most yelling at me and abusing me and seemed to have a bit of a cruel catholic streak within him in this regard.... this would yield a point of humor to the benji in relatively short order, as we shall see........ another time we were driving along and the news of pope john paul's death was just breaking, around april maybe, of 2005..... David must have been a devout catholic and crossed himself..... 50 cent's 'candyshop' song was all the rage in America at the time, on the radio and David was laying some tiles one day and talking about how Greek men in nyc, the 'guidos', were often macho but sometimes had a culture of low-down gay sex amongst themselves, despite being womenizers.... i do not think David was trying to drop any hints with regard to wanting to practice the same with me but rather he was scornful of the Greeks and this behavior...... oftentimes David would be most annoyed by my work which was not up to par and sometimes he would be genuinely angry for good reason or no, soon we will come to the crème de la crème of his anger..... this was classic Ben stupidity, completely un-intentioned, and very stupid, David told me to finish stripping any crusty pieces of wallpaper from a bedroom's walls BEFORE applying the 'spermicide', which was his nickname for the pre-paint transparent applicant. It was vitally important to remove all the wallpaper pieces first as it wouldn't do to have to sandpaper it off after the spermicide was applied as this would be a waste.......... despite having done this kind of handiwork in my parents' home and elsewhere, numerous times, and being capable of this work, i proceeded to do the work the wrong way, applying the spermicide first, possibly not even removing all of the wallpaper stuff remaining by the time David returned. When David returned he was absolutely livid.....he was really tapping into a deep level of anger which i didn't even know myself to have or think i could have myself (probably due to kidding myself, like most people do), at least he had a good reason to be angry, i suppose...... i can honestly say, at the time i just didn't give a shit one way or the other, i just had no passion....... David was standing there screaming his brains out at how stupid i was and i just didn't care, i had no desire for anything: wealth, marriage, friendship, life, death, fame, whatever, i just didn't care --- it wasn't that i was negative or a Debbie downer, i just didn't care, i had no desire or interest, i wasn't unhappy, on the contrary, inwardly, i was spiritually on a higher level than i am now as i hadn't committed mistakes and failures that came later so my conscience was free of that........... David didn't care about any of that, he was just absolutely livid i had messed up his wallpaper job, i can't even say i did it subconsciously to annoy him, it was most likely just a dumb goof
after a different yelling bout from David, on a different day, i made some excuse: I've just spent a year in china, i was just living in a holiday resort teaching 7 year old kids for that last 7 months........ i mean it was kind of true, my brain and psyche were in a different place and a lot of the times he was yelling at me it was like maybe he was enjoying it and i didn't care, maybe coz my dad yelled at me so much as a kid i just figured i needed someone to yell at me, i have no idea.........
maybe i'll add more to this later, not sure if there's any meaning here, apart from i ended up replicating some of his attitude and behavior later in life because this is how people learn behavior is from observation and later emulation..... David liked me, as he said, on a personal level, he always called me Benzino, maybe he felt it was his duty to scream at me....... one day i came to work in army shorts and he just saluted me and wanted to play raquet-ball instead of work, then he told me not to wear the army shorts, maybe he felt bad about screaming at me when i was wearing army shorts, i'm not sure........ i guess after a while i just got tired of him yelling at me all the time like i was incredibly stupid and just stopped hanging out with him and did other work
Tao Te Ching - Lao Tzu - chapter 20
Give up learning, and put an end to your troubles.
Is there a difference between yes and no?
Is there a difference between good and evil?
Must I fear what others fear? What nonsence!
Other people are contented, enjoying the sacrificial feast of the ox.
In spring some go to the park, and climb the terrace,
But I alone am drifting not knowing where I am.
Like a new-born babe before it learns to smile,
I am alone, without a place to go.
Other have more than they need, but I alone have nothing.
I am a fool. Oh, yes! I am confused.
Other men are clear and bright,
But I alone am dim and weak.
Other men are sharp and clever,
But I alone am dull and stupid.
Oh, I drift like the waves of the sea.
Without direction, like the restless wind.
Everyone else is busy,
But I alone am aimless and depressed.
I am different.
I am nourished by the great mother.
http://youtu.be/8EYmzBm6tzc
