Israeli and Palestinian Presidents, Netanyahu and Abbas deny they are teaming up on a k-pop smash-hit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4HnJWou-zA   (K-pop)


Rooters, Tel-Aviv, West Bank, with additional reporting from Seoul and Pusan


"Who told you that? Barry?" Israeli President Benjamin Netanyahu spattered with disbelief, his eyes visibly rolling in his head as a look of incredible disbelief takes a hold of his face, as if he'd just seen a UFO up close. Pausing for a moment, he continued: "there is absolutely no way in hell I would ever team up with Abbas to produce a K-Pop video."

When asked questions such as: why, whether it's because Abbas lacked creative talent, if that lack of talent couldn't be compensated by collaborating with some of the world's greatest names in K-Pop, such as Yuki Gwakalaka or Bong Dingdong; or perhaps because of scheduling conflicts; Netanyahu again seemed to misunderstand. "Well no, it's essentially because of his personal position on terrorism and Hamas especially."

"So you would be willing to work on a K-Pop production with Abbas if he renounced terrorism?"

"He wouldn't just have to renounce terrorism, he would have to prove he's willing to disarm all terrorists and para-military forces in the west bank, even return pocket knives and bb-guns."

For his part, Abbas reiterated that he'd be happy to work on a K-Pop production with Netanyahu but that first the Israelis should stop trying to bulldoze the remainder of Palestinian Arabs on the west bank into the Mediterranean. "A few cardboard boxes for us to sleep on at night wouldn't hurt, and maybe some free Happy Meals every now and then wouldn't hurt either, as a goodwill gesture."

Netanyahu went on to iterate that even if the Palestinians handed in every last gun, rocket launcher, bullet, knife and slingshot, even to the extent of only using plastic knives in their kitchens, and arranged themselves to live in a ten metre strip of land from the mediterranean sea, effectively leaving their vacated land open to new Jewish settlements, that even in those circumstances, the ultra-orthodox Jewish constituency, would absolutely frown on him producing a K-Pop video with Abbas. When asked why, he went on to explain that their extremely orthodox vision of Judaism meant that they could not even slaughter a cow for consumption unless it was a new moon, the cow had said moo moo precisely two times, not more or less, at the exact moment the sun showed itself on the horizon at dawn, and that the cow must have birth markings on it's left rear rump and front left knee. That this orthodoxy effectively rendered them unable to even go to McDonald's for a Big Mac, and other such orthodoxies meant it was impossible that he could participate with Abbas on a K-Pop video without losing this important constituency's vote.

When asked if it would be worth losing this constituency's vote, in exchange for all Palestinian Arabs, of Israeli and non-Israeli citizenship, surrendering all weapons, bullets, rocket launchers, slingshots and even foregoing regular cooking knives for soft plastic knives, and migrating to foreign lands like Syria, Jordan, Turkey or Luxembourg, Netanyahu looked non-plussed. "What kind of K-Pop video are we talking about? How long would it take to produce? And what would I have to do with Abbas to make it? And how would he agree to those terms, effectively agreeing to to relocate his people from Palestine, to somewhere else, for all times' sake?"

To which questions he was responded that a typical K-Pop video could be shot in about ten days time, with editing taking another week or so, that a standard video involves a number of pretty Korean women half-naked gyrating sensuously, possibly with poles, lip-synching to some Korean K-Pop song.

"Who would write the music? Who would write the lyrics? Would it even be kosher?" Netanyahu responded.

At which point he was asked, "is there even such a thing as a kosher K-Pop song?"

At which point, the interview was delayed and the question of whether it's possible for a K-Pop song to even be kosher was forwarded to the leading Rabbis of Israeli who debated the matter for a number of weeks. Amongst their debaters, arguments such as: Y-hweh created everything, the Sun and the Earth, and the people populating the planet, therefore Y-hweh created the Koreans and the Koreans, in turn, created K-Pop music, therefore, indirectly, Y-hweh created K-Pop music, ergo it is potentially kosher. To which argument, other, more conservative Rabbis, argued that it's blasphemy to argue suchlike, as it is tantamount to saying Hitler could be deemed kosher as Y-hweh was ultimately responsible for Hitler and the Nazis existence. Still others argued that as the Koreans are not Jewish, it is not possible for K-Pop to be kosher. However others argued that it is possible for any of Y-hweh's children to convert to Judaism, even if they are not of Jewish ethnicity in any wise, ergo it is possible for Koreans to be Jews and therefore it is possible to produce a kosher K-Pop video, in theory. Arguments then ran on for various weeks on specifically how this could be done.

Finally, even the most orthodox of Rabbis agreed that the ends justified the means, and that if it were possible to have every last Palestinian Arab forego the right to bear arms in Palestine, for all times sake, or better yet, walk into the sea - never to return, or take a first class, one way ticket to some other land, forever, which they would happily pay for, and leave their vacated lands open to new Jewish settlements, that indeed: the ends would justify the means. Therefore a majority of Rabbis agreed that it could be not only kosher, but desireable for Netanyahu to produce a K-Pop video with Abbas. Technicalities were discussed such as how to keep everything kosher, at each point of K-Pop production, which we will not mention herein. Finally, the question arose: what if Abbas re-nigged? How they they trust Abbas to keep his word on anything? What would be the point of producing a K-Pop video with him if he were just to turn around and say: "double dibs! I had my fingers crossed behind my back the whole time! Ner-ni-ner-ner-ner-ner!" childishly, as it were. A consensus arose that Abbas must arrange for all provisions to be enacted BEFORE the production of said K-Pop video.