Jerusalem,
Israeli mourners openly beat their chests after ripping off their shirts and self-flagellating with date palm fronds after learning that the king of Saudi Arabia has passed away.
"Whenever our children would fall off their skateboards and scrape their knees, or just be looking for a spare few sheckels for ice cream, or when Hamas militants would shoot them in the head, it seemed the Saudi king was always there with a kind gesture or a word of support," said Salma Goldstein, through tears, a first generation Israeli Jew whose parents had immigrated from the Bronx in New York City just two years before she was born in 1963. "When Obama and Kerry cry for him, those aren't real tears, they just want to keep everything sweet with the oil supply, our tears are based on decades of selfless love and support from our Saudi brothers."
in other news, the EU's powerhouse economy and quiet achiever, Greece, is headed to the election polls as we speak, in a vote largely seen about greater prosperity today or the day after today (tomorrow). Greece is widely viewed to continue breaking records in terms of budget surplus and overall prosperity. "we've set up soup kitchens for the public just so we can see how poor people in other countries live, such as southern California and el Salvador, things couldn't be rosier," said Kostas Giannarkous outside that famous building, the acropolis or something.
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