https://youtu.be/QbGnU96ByYQ
Ed, congratulations on completing Minaj a trois and now Alita. I can't imagine two more different roles.
Right, in Minaj a trois I play a drug addicted sex slave controlled by Nicki Minaj who is chained up most of the time and fed dog biscuits.
Right, right, so what does your character Nova in Alita actually eat?
Gee you know what, I never even gave it any thought. To be honest, I got the call from my agent and for the first time in my career I could basically play a small cameo role from my boat using a green screen.
Is that how you did it?
Yeah the studio sent over like two camera operators and some sound and light guys, like six guys with the site producer included and we all kind of just shot it all on my boat in one day.
Wow, wasn't the water all bumpy?
No the sea was calm and there's a stabiliser function on the camera. I couldn't say no.
But your contract says you might need to take part in a sequel in more depth.
Yeah that's true, I'm willing to do that but I haven't thought about what I'd be eating. I mean what Nova eats.
I understand, Ed you know there's a busy important suburb in Sydney called Leichhardt and the main strip is called Norton Street right?
Well I do now.
Well what would you do if you were walking down Norton Street and an Aboriginal lady came along and threatened to rape you.
Well it'd depend if she was super hot I guess. I mean I kind of thought about those kinds of themes making Minaj a trois but at the end of the day I mostly just was thinking about my boat a lot, alot if the stuff I wanted to fit out on it.
Didn't you sail it to Mauritius for that role?
Wait, who's going to rape me?
Nova Peris, you're on Norton Street Leichhardt, Nova Peris comes along. She's starstruck, you're like Ed Norton, big movie star. It's not like you look like some local area ping pong champion that lives in his mom's garage. She's a former Olympian like that transgender lady running for Californian governor. Won a gold medal too, same same. Went into politics too. Then sees you on Norton Street can't help herself, rapes you. Equality of the sexes, it's logical more women should be out there raping guys. Totally makes sense.
Ok thanks Ben.
Ok good now watch this Nicki Swift video on celebrities that haven't figured out they're not famous anymore...
https://youtu.be/SLHAb7Yma70
Ok Ed, have you heard of any of these people?
I've heard of the Pussycat dolls.
What do you know about them?
They don't tour Iran. They've never said death to America death to Israel. They don't fund terrorists or plot terror attacks.
Ed whoever said you were all table tennis player physique and no brains just never got to know you.
(Ed laughs)
Ok Ed here's a softball question. You know that really funny black guy with the high pitched whiney voice that's so funny?
Nova Peris before she was a woman when she was a guy?
No she was always a woman. You're thinking of Kanye West's father in law.
Chrissy Jenner?
Caitlyn.
But what was her name when she won the gold medal?
Nova.
Oh.
So who's the black guy with the funny sounding voice?
Kevin Hart bro.
Oh Kevin Hart.
Bro you should be his personal assistant. You think I'm joking? Just put all your shit on the backburner and call up Kevin and just say Kevin it's Ed Norton, I want to be your personal assistant starting today for a few months, I can lend you money.
I have to lend him money?
Bro if you say it like that he's going to get you to head straight over. He'll be with a hooker and wanting to score crack. This interview is over bro. Call Kevin now bro. I'm serious. That should be a whole movie bro, you being Kevin Hart's personal assistant, that'd be the funniest movie ever.
You could probably get Woodyard Harrelson to play Nova in a sequel, probably nobody would notice much....
https://youtu.be/hjtbwCITSDg
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