.... "Becky from CNN, Mrs Merkel, thank you for introducing Turd to us, where exactly did you find him?"
.... Francois Hollande pointedly steps between Turd and Mrs Merkel to field the question at the microphone: "We found him sleeping at a railway station in Budapest, in Hungary."
Becky from CNN: "really? How extraordinary... And...."
suddenly a Chinese govt. Reporter from the govt. Owned propaganda dept interrupts:
"Turd, every year we sell billions of dollars worth of crap to the EU," ...
"crap?" Turd responds.
"yeah you know like a plastic toy you give your dog to play with before it breaks like cheap crap in a month or so.
"I see," Turd interjected...
"well anyway, normally we wash the money through London...."
"you wash it?" Asked Turd.
"Chinese money is always dirty Turd, you should understand that with a name like Turd... Anyway, now London out of EU, how we going to wash our money?"
"Turd! Monica Crowley, NY TIMES, is it true your homeless?"
"Turd! Pete Gippard, USA Today, do you miss your old life sleeping at the train station, does your family know you have a job now?"
"Turd, Kurt Vonniger, Dutch Free Times, have you arranged a meeting with British Prime Minister Cameron yet?"
"Turd, Pablo Estefan, El Pais newspaper from Espain, what are your qualifications for this new position the EU has opened up?"
"Ok," interrupted German Chancellor Angela Merkel, "you're going too quickly for Turd to keep up with you, let's start with Pablo's question Turd, what are your qualifications?"
"well you and Mr Hollande here said you would give me a job..." Turd offered tersely.
"Turd embodies the European spirit," French president Hollande offered, "at the same time, he's uniquely suited to deal with the British.
"Martin Jobs, the London Examiner, Turd, can you read or write?"
"I don't write, I smear," answered Turd.
"Turd, Nikolai Kolchev, St Petersburg Times, will the EU now take Italy's requests that sanctions against Russia be dropped?"
"do you want to take this, or should I?" Turd asked Merkel and Hollande, both of whom nodded to him.
"well," continued Turd, "our plans for Ukraine's entry into the EU will be temporarily halted," Turd looked away from the Russian reporter to
Hollande and Merkel, "what time did you say lunch was?"
"Turd," Evan Opelmeier, Financial Times, "what will you do to steady global markets?"
"obviously there are many different markets," Turd responded, there are markets for toilet paper, toilet cleansers, bidets and so forth, but European Unity must prevail at the level of governance."
"Turd, Laslo Volchev, Eastern European Times, Turd, so many Eastern European countries refused to take migrants, why didn't the British just do the same? If they have a problem with immigration, why not just exercise more independence unofficially?"
"that's a very good question and the answer is complicated, but basically, you have sixteen years of American wars from Afghanistan to Syria raging just outside our borders, because we are Europeans, we pointed all our missiles at Russia, now Scotland wants to leave England and join the EU, this is Turd."
"Turd, Alf Gefunkwr, Austrian Times, are you up to this task alone or how many people will be working under you?"
